My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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