and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
