my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
