Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just high enough for therapy.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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