I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
