I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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