life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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