you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
