I bet he comes in French.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
