Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
