the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
