Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
