I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
