She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
