he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
