Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
