i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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