i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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