I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
