what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
