I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
