If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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