Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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