Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
