we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
