So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
