I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
