I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
