I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
