you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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