I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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