Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
