it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
