No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
FUCK WHALES
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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