clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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