I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
