This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think my mom watched the whole time
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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