dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
