So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
