I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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