just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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