life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
