just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
