When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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