Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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