No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
