I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
