There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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