Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
