omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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